Derek Skirata
Jedi Master
{S=22}}}
"Honor is better than power." - Derek Skirata
Posts: 2,657
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Post by Derek Skirata on Feb 14, 2007 19:46:35 GMT -5
Prologue
During the Clone Wars, Derek wasn't known for just being a Mandalorian Jedi warrior, he was also known for looking for Dark Jedi who decided to renounce the light side & embrace the dark side. His goal: to show these former Jedi the real truth about the dark side & show them that they were tricked by lies. He loved to hunt them down & try his best to redeem them. He didn't want to kill them; he wanted to redeem them.
Some of those were Jedi that Derek personally knew. Most of them from his childhood years. He even fought with them for years. But nothing could prepare him for the awful truth that his friends chose power over honor.
Little did the Dark Jedi & Sith know that even though they had General Grievous, a Jedi hunter on their side, they were about to cross paths with Derek Skirata, the Sith Hunter.
(More to come later)
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Post by reyvan on Feb 15, 2007 5:14:55 GMT -5
Well, good for a prologue, although, now, try to get the chapters longer, get some more description on the characters, physical, psychological, their background, etc. Also, i believe you should deepen on Derek's relationship with Sera. She is still alive at this time, isn't she? I mean, isn't this a prequel?
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Derek Skirata
Jedi Master
{S=22}}}
"Honor is better than power." - Derek Skirata
Posts: 2,657
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Post by Derek Skirata on Feb 15, 2007 10:25:19 GMT -5
Well, good for a prologue, although, now, try to get the chapters longer, get some more description on the characters, physical, psychological, their background, etc. Also, i believe you should deepen on Derek's relationship with Sera. She is still alive at this time, isn't she? I mean, isn't this a prequel? Yeah. But they met shortly after Derek became a Knight. More chapters coming up (Note: I may mention a few Dark Jedi from the fan films soon just for the heck of it)! Chapter 1: Preparing for WarDerek Skirata started to train to be a Sith Hunter back when he didn't realized it: back when he was a Youngling. When Derek trained to be a Padawan, he also trained extra hard after receiving a vision that a legion of Dark Jedi would come to try to end the Jedi Order. When Derek reached the age of 13, the age that when a Mandalorian becomes an adult, Derek heard that Qui-Gon Jinn was killed by the Sith Lord Darth Maul, but he was surprised to hear that then-Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi was the one who defeated Maul. "Master Yoda was right. There's only two: a Master & an Apprentice." Derek once said after Qui-Gon's funeral. "But I think this Sith was too young to be the Master; there could be another one out there somewhere..." Knighted at age 18, Derek also continued to train himself to be a Jedi & a Mandalorian warrior. He even modified his Padawan lightsaber to be the lightsaber that he has today. "My Padawan saber was good for dual-wielding only. Time for me to upgrade so I can fight with single & dual-wielding." Right when he became a Jedi Knight, he met Padawan Serra Keto, who was known for her rebelliousness. "Um, hello." Derek greeted. Serra turned & almost yelled at him, but calmed & shyly smiled. "Hello. My name is Serra Keto." Serra introduced herself. "My name is Derek Skirata. It is a pleasure to meet you, Serra." Derek smiled at Serra. He was surprised since he doesn't smile at lot, even with his helmet on. Derek & Serra walked around the Temple, talking about their histories. "...& that's how I got my armor." Derek finished. "Sounds nice." Serra commented. "If there's gonna be a war, your enemies won't stand a chance!" "Patience, Serra." Derek calmed Serra. "Violence is not the Jedi way." "Yes, Derek." Serra accepted. "Your master was Cin Drallig right?" "Yeah." Derek answered. "I heard that you're also one of his students. He's a good master." "Yeah." Serra agreed. But their new friendship was only brief when the Clone Wars started. Derek accompanied Jedi Master Mace Windu & hundreds of other Jedi to Geonosis to save Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, & Senator Padme Amidala. At the time, they thought they were rescuing just Obi-Wan Kenobi until they intercepted Separatist comm channels. "So Anakin & Padme are also captured?" Derek asked. "Well, this job is gonna be a lot tougher than we thought." Chapter 2: The Battle of GeonosisDerek was fighting bravely against the Separatist droids. He even saw Jango Fett fight in action for a little bit in the arena. A good warrior, this Jango Fett is. Derek thought to himself, smirking. He's no ordinary bounty hunter. Derek did witness Jango's death & was fully aware of Jango's son Boba. Boba's wanna try & get revenge on the Jedi someday. I'll have to watch my back from now on. Derek thought to himself. When Derek, along with a handful of Jedi remaining including Master Windu, Master Kenobi, Padawan Skywalker, & Senator Amidala, he was relived to see Master Yoda arrive with the Clone Army just before they were about to be slaughtered by the droids that surrounded them. "It's about time." Derek whispered to himself, smirking. He quickly boarded a Republic gunship. With the surviving Jedi on board the gunships, they quickly left the arena & entered the area where the Clone Wars started: the docking area with the Trade Federation Core ships. "I'll go lead my troops down there." Derek remarked to the gunship pilot. When Derek's gunship landed, he led his squad of Republic Clone Troopers into the battlefield. He also fought bravely against even more Separatist battle droids. "I've trained for years." Derek said to himself while fighting. "Now it's time to put that training to the test." He used everything he had to help the Republic achieve victory on the ground battle. "Master Yoda, our forces in orbit could use a little help. Can I assist them for a while?" Derek asked. "Assist them, you will, Master Skirata. Fought bravely, you have on the battlefield." After been giving permission, Derek raced to his new Jedi starfighter, the Hawk I, & quickly flew in orbit. "Trade Federation battleships?" Derek remarked. "This is gonna be too easy!" He raced & destroyed many of the droid control sensors & other comm relays on one of the ships. After taking out the sensor array, he came under intense fire from Droid Starfighters. "Oh, you did not shoot at me!" Derek remarked. He flew away from the ship, trying to lose the droids. "Let's see how smart ya droids are..." He flew across a few tight corners & the droids followed. They tried to fly through the tight corners, but crashed into other relays instead. "Hehehehe. Stupid droids." Derek chuckled. He proceeded to find the life support systems. "Blast. I can't destroy these by myself." He called a squad for a bombing raid. It lasted only a few seconds. " The Assault Ships can do the rest. Now it's time to--." He was interrupted when the evacuation was halted. Although a part of the Separatist fleet managed to escape, the rest of the fleet was halted, giving the Republic victory on Geonosis. "A glorious battle. " Derek said after the victory. "We've won the battle. But the war has just began..." Derek flew his Jedi starfighter back to meet with Master Yoda & the rest of the Jedi. He saw Anakin's wound made by Count Dooku, who the Jedi didn't know at the time was also the new Sith Lord Darth Tyranus. "He mentioned a Sith Lord named Darth Sidious." Obi-Wan told the Jedi while they went back to Coruscant. "So there is another one." Derek spoke. "Master Yoda, I sense that there will be those that will betray us & join Dooku. With your permission, I would like to try & hunt them down & try to redeem them." The Council debated for a while but then granted Derek's request. The Sith Hunter was now on the hunt... (More chapters coming soon. If you have a former Jedi that is a Dark Jedi very shortly after Geonosis, please PM me & I'll put up the next chapter)
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Post by reyvan on Feb 15, 2007 14:43:06 GMT -5
Well, you sure have made them longer. I liked both, although, things just happen in a bit of a sudden, mostly in the second chapter. On the first, you should try to give more description to the moments.
Overall, it is good.
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Derek Skirata
Jedi Master
{S=22}}}
"Honor is better than power." - Derek Skirata
Posts: 2,657
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Post by Derek Skirata on Feb 15, 2007 15:48:12 GMT -5
Well, you sure have made them longer. I liked both, although, things just happen in a bit of a sudden, mostly in the second chapter. On the first, you should try to give more description to the moments. Overall, it is good. I've updated the posts so the chapters are a little longer. I'll work on more chapters later.
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Post by reyvan on Feb 16, 2007 12:35:57 GMT -5
Much better Master Derek!
I prefer to wait longer for a great, well polished fun read than a small and short not that great and well polished read.
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Derek Skirata
Jedi Master
{S=22}}}
"Honor is better than power." - Derek Skirata
Posts: 2,657
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Post by Derek Skirata on Feb 18, 2007 18:23:38 GMT -5
Chapter 3: First TargetIn the first days of the Clone Wars, Derek was searching for any sign of any Jedi turning to the dark side. He found one Jedi who turned against the Jedi: Kaius Galorius. He was a Selkath Jedi who was just knighted before the Battle of Geonosis. However he was always eager to be greater than any Jedi & he wanted to be even more powerful than even Anakin Skywalker. Plus, he never liked the Republic & he wanted to take control of it & have it run his way, so he decided to join the CIS. "Kaius, you made a big mistake." Derek muttered as he heard the news. Clearly, it was time to bring this wannabe Sith to justice. Derek tracked the clues to find this Dark Jedi. For a little while Kaius evaded him. But when Derek finally first commanded his new flagship, the Infiltrator, Derek spotted a Sep fleet nearby & engaged it. After the Infiltrator passed its first combat test by disabling a few of Kaius' fleet, he became enraged & called Derek to duel with him. Derek accepted. Derek knew that Kaius would try to use the advantage of numbers to kill him, so Derek decided to use the same plan & have it turn on Kaius himself. Derek brought along huge squads of clone troopers. They met in the hanger. "So, the puny Jedi Skirata came to stop me? Good luck, you'll need it!" "I'm not puny, traitor." Derek corrected. "Plus you are under arrest for treachery against the Republic." "The Republic is weak!!" Kaius boasted. "The Sith shall rule again, under my rule!!!" "Boast all ya want, but all ya got is a big mouth." Derek smirked. "DIIEE!!!" Kaius roared furiously, drawing his lightsaber. Derek activated his jet pack & flew away. In addition, he pulled out his blaster to shoot Kaius' lightsaber from his hands. "AARRGH!!!" Kaius screamed. "It shouldn't hurt; my blaster was only set to stun." Derek said. "This is your last chance: surrender." "NEVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" Kaius roared, calling his lightsaber & swinging it at Derek as hard as he could. "Back down, now!" Derek pleaded. "I don't wanna kill you!" "Then you are weak & the weak deserve to be slaughtered!!!" Kaius cackled insanely. He kept pressing the attack on Derek. But Derek was smart; he had his Clone Sharpshooters hidden looking for additional forces. "Droids! Kill this weak fool now!!! I ORDER YOU!!!" The snipers began firing, but only one shot was fired, missing Derek's torso. The droid snipers were shot to pieces by Derek's snipers. "AAARRGGH!!!!!" Kaius roared furiously. "I knew that you would have help so I've brought some of mine as well." "ENOUGH!!! We end this here NOW!!!!" Kaius roared, calling on his rage to fuel his power. Derek was starting to get tired & he was pushed back into a corner. "Now, Jedi, you will die!!!" Kaius cackled, a big smile on his face. "You're forgetting one thing, Kaius." Derek reminded. "Who's watching your back?" "What?!" Kaius asked, turning to look behind him. In a flash, Derek Force pushed Kaius away & used the Force to pull his saber out of Kaius' hands. The rest of the Clone Troopers rushed in to point their blasters at Kaius. "Your reign of terror, along with your path to the dark side, has come to an end. Once again, I have proved that light side honor is better than dark side power." Kaius growled as he was taken into custody & placed on a cell on board the Infiltrator. Afterwards, Kaius Galorius was brought to the Jedi Council to face his crimes. He was then stripped of his Force powers & was exiled to the far reaches of the galaxy. After the Clone Wars & Order 66, Kaius tried to gain favor for the Empire, but he was refused. (The next chapter will come soon.
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Post by reyvan on Feb 20, 2007 18:32:45 GMT -5
Excellent chapter Master Derek! Although, i would advise you to vary. Instead of saying their names, say He, She, the latter and such.
Anyways, i'm looking forward to the next chapter.
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Derek Skirata
Jedi Master
{S=22}}}
"Honor is better than power." - Derek Skirata
Posts: 2,657
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Post by Derek Skirata on Feb 25, 2007 10:22:16 GMT -5
OK. I'm still thinking of ideas for more Dark Jedi targets. I'll modify this post with the next chapter (& maybe a couple more) as soon as I get some ideas. Chapter 4: Ambush in the RuinsOfficially, no Jedi has fallen to the dark side because of a lightsaber combat form. Unofficially, a few Jedi have fallen to the dark side because they were too overwhelmed with Vaapad as the Clone Wars progressed. Two in particular were Sora Bulq & Nivar Xanos. Sora Bulq would later be killed by Master Quinlan Vos. Nivar Xanos would be Derek's next target. Nivar was a Jedi Padawan who was sent by the Council to investigate Separatist activity on some Outer Rim world. But while he was fighting, Nivar gave into battle & fell to the dark side. He shortly after joined the Separatists & not only did the Seps give him a fleet, Nivar began to capture Republic ships & add them to his fleet. Clearly, it was time for Nivar's reign of terror to come to an end. The Council sent Derek Skirata, with the help of Serra Keto & Master Cin Drallig, to find Nivar at the last known location. Once again, Derek & his two Jedi comrades are cruising on board Derek's flagship, the Infiltrator. "There's nothing out here." Derek said after sensing the location. "Why would Nivar be out here so often?" Then before anyone could think, a fleet came out of hyperspace. "It's Nivar's fleet! Let's get outta here!" "No go, Derek. It's a trap!" Serra exclaimed, pointing to the other side of the bridge window. The three Jedi looked out to see a Trade Federation battleship. It was Nivar's flagship. "Derek Skirata." a voice came on the comm. "This is Nivar Xanos. Your fleet is completely surrounded. Surrender your flagship now or I will take it & your fleet from your cold, dead hands." "You will not take my ship." Derek calmly spoke. "Then I guess I will take it from you." Nivar cackled. "But if you are as skilled as I heard, then I challenge you to a duel in the hanger on board your ship. A battle that only one person will walk away from alive." Derek shook his head in disbelief. He didn't want to kill anyone. He wanted to capture Nivar. "I accept." Derek reluctantly accepted. Within moments, Nivar arrived at the hanger with his fighter. "I'm looking forward to commanding your flagship as I destroy the Republic, Jedi!" Nivar boasted, igniting his crimson lightsaber. "Not if I stop you first." Derek spoke, igniting his sapphire lightsaber. Derek started to slash at Nivar's torso. He expected Nivar to Force jump out of the way & Nivar did just that. Derek then quickly drew one of his blaster pistols & fired a couple of stun shots at Nivar. When the bolts hit Nivar, he fell to the ground & his lightsaber rolled away from him. Derek Force pulled Nivar's lightsaber & looked at it. "Why? Why did you betray us?" Derek asked. "Because the dark side has more power!! That's why!!!" Nivar roared. "There's something you're not telling me." Derek reminded. "OK!!! There was a Jedi prisoner. I freed him & then we worked together to stop the Seps on that planet. At least he did until he tried to kill me from behind. He later revealed that he was a Dark Jedi allied with the Seps & he set all of it up! He kept goading me to give into my anger until I was sick of it. Then I attacked him in a fit of rage until I cut off his hands & his head. I knew I could never go back. I had no choice. I cannot be forgiven." He started to weep. Derek approached Nivar & tried to comfort him. "It's OK. You can be forgiven. If you can come back to the Council." "They won't forgive me! I am nothing!" Nivar continued to sob. "They will forgive you. If what you said is true, you must tell the Council." Derek spoke calmly, hoping to redeem Nivar. "If I can show that I can forsake the dark side, I'll do whatever you ask." Nivar spoke. "Do you think they would accept me back?" "Of course. They will surely take you back." Derek answered. "I thank you, Master Jedi." Nivar smiled at Derek. Nivar traveled back to his flagship & deactivated all of the droids. He then went back to the Infiltrator. Shortly after all of the Separatist ships were engulfed in flames. "The Sep ships are destroyed & the Republic ships have been returned." Nivar announced. "Good work, Padawan." Derek stated. They both went to the bridge & the ships went back to Coruscant. Afterwards, Nivar returned back to the Council & presented the information to the Masters. Nivar was accepted back into the Order & continued to fight against the Separatists rather than fighting against the Republic. Sadly Nivar was one of those killed on the raid on the Jedi Temple when Order 66 was given near the end of the Clone Wars. (More chapters coming soon. Plus a special preview of a comic book coming soon! ;D)
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Darth Valrum
Jedi Master
}}Force Power{49994}
"Some decisions are made by destiny, Some decisions are made by choice."
Posts: 781
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Post by Darth Valrum on Mar 26, 2007 20:45:37 GMT -5
I like it. Its completely new. Someone who hunts dark jedi to redeem them. I think thats awesome, i look forward to reading more.
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Derek Skirata
Jedi Master
{S=22}}}
"Honor is better than power." - Derek Skirata
Posts: 2,657
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Post by Derek Skirata on Mar 27, 2007 9:15:23 GMT -5
I like it. Its completely new. Someone who hunts dark jedi to redeem them. I think thats awesome, i look forward to reading more. Cool. I'm still in need of more Dark Jedi ideas. Anyone who has an idea please PM me.
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Post by reyvan on Mar 27, 2007 11:52:36 GMT -5
Another great chapter! I liked it alot, but, try to vary on the Sith personas, not just those brute, Sith-wannabee Dark Jedi. More manipulative like Kreia, insidious like Sidious and cunning warriors instead of stupid brutes, sort of like Maul, disciplined and a cunning warrior.
Hope to see the next chapter soon.
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Darth Valrum
Jedi Master
}}Force Power{49994}
"Some decisions are made by destiny, Some decisions are made by choice."
Posts: 781
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Post by Darth Valrum on Mar 27, 2007 14:48:48 GMT -5
I like it. Its completely new. Someone who hunts dark jedi to redeem them. I think thats awesome, i look forward to reading more. Cool. I'm still in need of more Dark Jedi ideas. Anyone who has an idea please PM me. If i get any cool idea ill let you know. But usually my ideas hit me at midnight when im sleeping, and i write them down. And when i wake up, i look at them, and its like, toaster lightsaber or something... no more pizza after 10 for me.
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Derek Skirata
Jedi Master
{S=22}}}
"Honor is better than power." - Derek Skirata
Posts: 2,657
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Post by Derek Skirata on Mar 27, 2007 17:01:07 GMT -5
Another great chapter! I liked it alot, but, try to vary on the Sith personas, not just those brute, Sith-wannabee Dark Jedi. More manipulative like Kreia, insidious like Sidious and cunning warriors instead of stupid brutes, sort of like Maul, disciplined and a cunning warrior. Hope to see the next chapter soon. Well basically I was thinking about using a couple from the fanfilms just for fun (& I'll have them as manipulative since the ones I personally liked are manipulative). If that's a great idea, then I'll go for that. For Reyvan: you'll probably have to think of a few ideas tomorrow cause I can't be on this comp past 7 pm (my time). As soon as I can get a new idea, chapter 5 will come soon! ;D
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Darth Valrum
Jedi Master
}}Force Power{49994}
"Some decisions are made by destiny, Some decisions are made by choice."
Posts: 781
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Post by Darth Valrum on Mar 28, 2007 12:48:30 GMT -5
Another great chapter! I liked it alot, but, try to vary on the Sith personas, not just those brute, Sith-wannabee Dark Jedi. More manipulative like Kreia, insidious like Sidious and cunning warriors instead of stupid brutes, sort of like Maul, disciplined and a cunning warrior. Hope to see the next chapter soon. Well basically I was thinking about using a couple from the fanfilms just for fun (& I'll have them as manipulative since the ones I personally liked are manipulative). If that's a great idea, then I'll go for that. For Reyvan: you'll probably have to think of a few ideas tomorrow cause I can't be on this comp past 7 pm (my time). As soon as I can get a new idea, chapter 5 will come soon! ;D Haha well then i guess ill take a nap and write my ideas down then. ;D
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